He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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