Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
