is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
