at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
