It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize