I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
