I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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