my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
