i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize