It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
