So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dick very happy bro
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize