My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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