I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
