Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
