I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
