The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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