We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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