Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
