I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
