fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
