Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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