she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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