It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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