The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
