We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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