"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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