He kissed a someone with a penis
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
