she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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