her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
