Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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