Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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