I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
