I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
