I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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