in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
