My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
