So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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