Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
