why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
