I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
