Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
