she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
