You really coming over, don't trick.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
