The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
