I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
