I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
