He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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