Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
