singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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