this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
