You can't motorboat a personality
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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