I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
