Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize