Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
