Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
