are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
