omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
