Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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