i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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