Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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