Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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