i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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