It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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