yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
