I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
