I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
