When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
