Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
