i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
sex in a hospital.. check
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Your penis caused this!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
