I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
