Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
