Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
