Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
