White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
