She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
