In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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